I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
