overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
