just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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