i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I understand Curling. That high.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
