so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize