I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
