"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Me too!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
be right there i have to get my cape
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
