Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
