guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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