how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
