that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
