My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
