That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
