i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
