yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
