I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
