I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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