someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Randomize
