Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize