Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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