Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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