Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
