Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
