What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
