I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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