so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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