You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
