It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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