Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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