There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
