I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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