Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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