You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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