Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
