Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
