dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize