We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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