I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
