dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
