You work out of a Hotel?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
