He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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