I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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