I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
