i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize