He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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