The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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