too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
