i can't believe i had my finger in that
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
