Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
