What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
