I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
