Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
