I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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