he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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