Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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