Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
