i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
organizing the empties. That sober.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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