i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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