just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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