i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
