I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
