Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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