Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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