the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
