So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
