mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize