i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
