He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
