im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
