dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
