just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize