you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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