Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
