if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
