Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
