YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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