i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
