I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
