Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
