Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
