that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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