Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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