No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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