I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
