"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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