Girls should come with a carfax report
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
