but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
