Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
