She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
