I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We had sex on a dog bed..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
