I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
