did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
