well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
