Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
