She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
