I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
