Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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