Girls should come with a carfax report
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
