the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
