k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
