Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
